Show, Don't Tell (Really? Show Me!)

Writers hear Show, Don't Tell more than any other writerly advice, and in my humble opinion, learning to show and not tell is one of the most powerful tools in the writer's toolbox. Showing versus Telling means the difference in a book reading like a blah-blah documentary rather than gripping fiction.

Please note that my comments in brackets are my reader reactions.

"Was" Statements

In most cases, "was" statements tend to show.

Telling: He was delighted. [He was, was he? Ho-hum. Yawn.]

Showing: His pulse ramped, and his heart thumped a jig in his chest. Yeeesssss! [Now I can get excited for and with this guy.]

Author Intrusion

Eliminating author intrusion filtering (experience filtered by author) by not using words such as felt, thought, and the like (sensed, experienced, figured, considered, realized) goes a long way in allowing the reader to connect with the character.

Telling: She felt sad and lonely. [Thanks for telling me, but...]

Showing: Everything around her grayed. None of the vibrant colors of fall stirred her. How could she go on? Tears clung to her cheeks as if refusing to abandon her to the empty ache in her chest. If only her father still lived. [Having lost love ones, I can relate to this experience.]

Telling: I thought about my childhood. What glorious memories. [What childhood? What memories? I don't know, so how can they be glorious to me?]

Showing:  When I was aged five or six, in a cardboard box from an estate sale, six musty lady's hats hid beneath a tarnished washboard and a rusted cheese grater. Fake flowers, thick blocked lace, and felt, in faded reds and blues and greens, were smashed flat like fallen cakes. First, I straightened the rough lace and bent flowers, then reshaped the head part of the hats with rolls of my fists. Each hat took me to a different time, to a different place. I traveled, in my imaginings, and found a aspects of myself I had not before known. [Although this is backstory, I am intrigued to find out more about this person.]

Using Began and Started

When the words began and started are used, we are taken out of real-time in the story.

Telling: It began with a scream. [What scream? What about a scream?]

Showing: A high-pitched scream ripped her from sleep. [Ah, a scream! Who's? Why is someone screaming? I'll read on to find out.]

Telling: She started to scream. [A person either does or doesn't do something. If they perform an action, they may stop or be interrupted.]

Showing: A scream erupted from her throat. She clamped her mouth closed, and the yell bounced off the back of her lips. She swallowed it whole. [Why is she holding back a scream? Is there worse to come? I have to know!]

Visceral Reactions

Lack of using visceral reactions tends toward telling. (Breaking into a sweat, increased heart rate, ache in the tummy, or the physical, non-thought based responses to what is happening.)

Telling: An explosion boomed. Marco ducked and ran for cover. [An explosion might nudge my interest, but I'm not being pulled into the story.]

Showing: An explosion boomed. Marco's heart stopped for one long shocked beat, then ramped like a machine gun in his chest as he ducked and ran for cover. From where he lay in the brush, sweat coated his face and neck thick and clammy. His grip on the detonator eased and trembled. A shrill tone of nothingness stuffed his ears. Could they smell his fear? [Visceral responses or reactions include: Heart Rate, Sweating, Trembling, Tone in ear from concussion of explosion.]

Varied Senses

Telling: An explosion boomed. Marco ducked and ran for cover. [Same example as above for Visceral Reactions. An explosion might peak my interest, but I'm not being pulled into the story.]

Showing: Barroom. The ground shook. A bright white flash burst outward and knocked Marco's head back like a hard right slam to the jaw. A stab, icepick thin, jabbed his eardrums. Lungs locked. He pounded his chest, gulped a sour, scorched breath of air.  [Senses include: Hearing, Seeing, Pain, Breathing, Taste, Smell.]

Bonus Example (Combined Visceral and Senses)

A combined example of Visceral and Senses:

Barroom. The ground shook.

A bright white flash burst outward and knocked Marco's head back like a hard right slam to the jaw. A stab, icepick thin, jabbed his eardrums. Marco's heart stopped for one long shocked beat, then ramped like a machine gun in his chest.

Lungs locked.

He pounded his chest, gulped a sour, scorched breath of air. He ducked and ran for cover.

From where he lay in the brush, sweat coated his face and neck thick and clammy. Could they smell his fear? His grip on the detonator eased and trembled.

A shrill tone of nothingness stuffed his ears.

Objectivity
 
A writer being able to step back and really look at and assess their own writing is a must. No right fighting and defending what is. None of that "my writing is good" stuff. If your writing is, then why not SHOW, instead of TELL that it is. (See examples above.)

Author Meltdowns (What Not to Do!)

In 2009, an independent author confronted an established traditionally published veteran author in what has been termed a gunfight or a cat fight.

Then in March 2011, an independent author took on an online critic, spiraling her Amazon review from a 5.0 rating to 1.5, then to the writer removing the book from publication for review and further editing.

More recently, on a social media site, a third independent author has blasted her readers and posters telling them to get the bleep off her page (11/22/13 post).

While all or any of these writers might take the stance that they were putting forth their opinions, or they might have been misinterpreted, or their intent was not to attack or insult, the overall results have been the same for all three.

Each has done something I strive and am working to do, independently publish, and yet all three have successfully alienated readers.

In all cases, these very public meltdowns (at least considered to be so by most readers of their posts) did not help their careers as independent authors, further book sales, or encourage the reading of their books.

Since these instances all evolved from independent authors and as an independent author myself, I find these behaviors cringe worthy. It does not encourage confidence in readers of independent books nor add any positive reflection upon independent authors. Yes, these authors are human, they react in feeling, emotional ways. We all do. However, in my humble opinion, what is missing in each of these encounters is a solid level of professionalism and respect for potential readers.

"But it wasn't my intent" doesn't cut it. Perception is the major factor here, and those subjected to watching this sort of reaction play out, in their shock and, yes, even revulsion, don't consider or care about the writer's intent.

Appearances, online comments included, matter. Perception is paramount.

Intent, emotional backlash, vendettas, and hidden agendas do not have a place in the way an author presents their persona to the public.

Didn't they self published to sell books? Based on their actions and reactions, as a reader, would I buy these author's books?

One thing that I'm curious about, is that if self publishing elicits this behavior from them, why do they bother? Why not find another line of work and/or not do something that appears to make them so miserable, angry, or unprofessional, and show their negative selves in public, no less?

As a soon to be independently published author, I very much appreciate and value their efforts in paving the way and, sadly, their examples of what not to do.

In Search of My Writer's Way

Doctor's appointments and possible treatment options...an understanding of what has been going on with me health-wise and potential resolutions. FINALLY! After struggling with recurrent and goal-disrupting symptoms for over a year, to have a positive direction is such a relief and so very encouraging. As is, after taking a break due to appointments and travel, embracing writing again.

I am back to short stints, either 45 minutes to an hour at most, then taking brief breaks, at least 5 minutes, away from writing. First on my To Do List is to complete the back-to-front, by paragraph, read/edit of Book #1. Once completed, I'll make the edits in the electronic file and resend to the editor. That's it. I'm not looking beyond the current two tasks. Once those are complete, THEN I'll address where I stand on Book #2 and what's next.

For now, while working on the health resolution and during recovery, this back-to-basics approach, will get me closer to finishing the series, than will over-scheduling and setting unrealistic goals. So, back to basics, one day a a time, and hopefully, I will find my writing way.

Scrrreeeeccchhhh! (Putting on the Brakes and Taking a Break)

My energy and focus levels are depleted. I need rest and good health...so for the next few weeks, with more doctor's appointments ahead, I must slow down, re-evaluate, and consider a more reasonable path forward.

Those pesky health issues I had thought, hoped, and prayed were resolved are back. Sigh... On top of not being well, for the past few weeks, I have been spending an average of 12 hours per day revising, therefore, I am physically tired. Not to mention the time change, which due to limited daylight hours, sends me into hibernation mode.

I'm a planner, a list maker, and a goal setter. For my work, I have always pushed, most of the time too hard, to make extensive progress. Slowing down, is difficult for me. Not having a plan, deadline, goal, To Do list, etc., feels awkward and foreign to me.

To get well, for a short time, I need to limit my writing activities, perhaps to three or four hours per day, and extend my efforts toward that nesting instinct that seems to arise during the winter-time malaise. I need wellness, which means more medical appointments, and possible treatments or even a surgery.

So, I'm stomping on the brake pedal. Time for a break. Maybe it's time, for just a short while, to just BE. (Somehow, I have to hope that my writing process will be better for taking this break.)

Boo Who? (Scaring Up an Ideal Reader)

Who exactly is my ideal reader?

There's an ideal reader out there for every book. Depending on the genre, the most enthusiastic reader of a particular type of book is either male or female, of a certain age, etc. Those are demographics and statistics. Yet, to write the best book possible, writing for cookie-cutter numbers doesn't cut it.

For instance writing a romance for women between the ages of 20 and 40, middle to upper class, etc.

As an author, I write for an ideal reader; however in the real world, there exists THE ideal reader, someone or someones in the writer's life, that meets those demographics and statistics, but is perfectly real and realistically ideal.

As per advice by writing coach Cathy Yardley, I have focused on a live person as my ideal reader. I picked the one person that represents the type of reader I am targeting, and I write with that one person in mind.

As I write, I keep this person in mind. This reader is one that would call me on something if it's not working, such as too little conflict or the stakes not being deep enough for the POV character, and is full of enthusiasm during reading. Ideal Reader loves and enjoys story.

As far as Boo Who, my ideal reader is THE person I work diligently to scare, thrill, and intrigue; to illicit smiles, caring, and warmth toward and with my story people; and encourage to root for the characters and the story. In writing for THIS person, I am writing for many ideal readers, yet with the focus of this one person, my reader connection is real, palatable, and solid.

So, Boo and thank you, you know who! (Many more books to come!)